Octopussy

So here we are, at what in my memory, was one of the worst Bonds. More cartoonish than ever before, Moore even older, an incomprehensible plot, the worst title of the series coupled with a meh title track, Octopussy is all those things and more, it just isn't quite as bad as I remember.

I'll make a stab at explaining the plot: 009 is assassinated trying to escape East Berlin to West Berlin, whilst dressed as a clown (it is actually surprisingly effective and sinister scene), with a Faberge egg clutched in his dying hands. Turns out it is a fake and the first bread crumb of a trail that zigzags between a rogue Russian general, seeking Soviet domination (notably against the orders of his superiors, lest the series actually paints all Russians as evil), to an exiled Afghan prince hiding out in Rajasthan, India, aided by the titular tentacular temptress, Octopussy.

I can make out the broad strokes, and what the villains are up to - it looks like they are using Octopussy's travelling circus for jewellery smuggling, but on top of that, double crossing her by switching the jewels for a nuclear bomb to go off in a US airbase on the West Berlin border, thus forcing disarmament, thus giving rogue Russian General an easy way to European domination - but the actual mechanics getting from one plot element to the next are vague. The whole Faberge egg plot is more or less dropped, cracked, and its golden yolk spilt all over the floor by the mid-point. I'm guessing antagonists General Orlov partnered up with Kamal Khan in exchange for Kremlin jewels, who in turn knew Octopussy, so Orlov could use her circus to smuggle the bomb onto the US airbase.

The finer details of the this treacherous trio are undefined, which is a shame as the dynamic is fairly unique in the series, with the closest analogue being in Goldinger, there with the titular tyrant being backed by Communist China, and he himself using Pussy Galore's flying variant of circus fun as a means to deliver a payload of nerve gas. So in Octopussy, the Communists get a fair bit more screen time, with General Orlov played with eye-rolling, scenery chewing mania by Steven Berkoff, Khan is likewise motivated by greed rather than the politics of his backer, and the unfortunately named femme fatale of each piece turns out to be a good egg after all.

Octopussy should be one of the series' greats. Her introduction, appearance kept hidden from viewers, only heard, hissing demands to Khan suggests a female Blofeld. The fact that Khan appears to bow to her whims is an interesting angle, not seen in the series. When she finally appears on screen, confusion reigns, as this is yet another time that the Bond film has recast actors in new roles. Here Maud Adams, last seen with a golden bullet between the eyes in The Man With the Golden Gun, is now Octopussy. Her background suggests depth, but it is all told and not shown. She has a couple of action moments, and she clearly inspires loyalty in her all female army of smugglers (Bond memorably makes it to her island palace for Q to quip that Bond being alone on an island of all women means he won't be back for a while) but as plot dictates, she ends up captured, knocked out, and in need of rescuing. More worrying still, is that Octopussy is meant to be Indian, and the film still runs with that, by simply having Adams dye her hair a shade darker...It should go without saying but this is not a nuanced look at India - you get snake charmers, beds of nails, and fire breathers, all played for laughs.

And who does she need rescuing from? Kamal Khan, fairly diminutive in stature, but went to the Hugo Drax school of sassy put downs. His best work coming after Bond beats him at his rigged game of backgammon (although, to be fair, the sucker Khan has been beating, has yet to notice that every single time Khan roles his own dice it comes up 6s...if you can't spot that con, I say you deserve to be robbed). Upon having to cough up the cash to Bond, he hisses "Spend it quickly." He also seems to be in an arched eyebrow raising competition with Moore, which is delightful.
He is aided by a truly imposing looking henchman, the towering Gobinda. His credentials are also laid out at the end of the backgammon, picking up the loaded dice and crushing them with one clenched fist, whilst locking eyes with Bond. The film wisely gives Gobinda a fair bit of screen time, and even allows he and Bond to get into a scuffle atop a train, before the climax.

Speaking of scuffles and action scenes, the film is a mixed bag, although most pleasingly the effectiveness of these scenes only increases as the film goes on (bar the naff palace assault with union jack balloon). The film ends with some jaw-dropping stunt work atop of wildly flying plane. Prior to that, we have the aforementioned train sequence, the culminates in a bit of tension that really shouldn't work - Bond disguised as a clown (immaculately so, he somehow manages to clown up in record time despite having a few minutes on the clock until nuclear Armageddon), trying to find and diffuse a bomb in a circus. Perhaps that is the peak image of Moore's Bond - a clown involved in high espionage?

And yet, Moore probably sells the role more than he has ever done. You may have noticed that many of these reviews have glossed over the actual particulars of the Bond actor bar their first appearance. That is because, and particularly so in the Moore era, once they hit their groove, there isn't a whole lot more to say about them. However, in Octopussy, Moore gets a few extended dialogue scenes for him to really shine - the highlight being his train car confrontation with General Orlov, and his genuine look of a fear trying to warn the attendees at the circus of the ticking bomb.

However, Moore the full on clown is never far behind, and whilst he succeeds in these moments of tension, he also has to grapple with the fact that this is the film that has him say "Hiss off" to a snake, comically stare down a tiger, and the nadir of the series, swing from vine to vine, yelling like Tarzan. And this all happens within one scene, with Khan, ever the sportsman, leading a hunting party after Bond. Prior to this, when Bond arrives in India, he is met by Vijay, as MI6's man in the field there. Confusingly, Vijay is played by Vijay Amritraj, a real life tennis pro, and whilst he is a charming presence in the film, the tuktuk chase where Vijay whips out a racket to fend off against bad guys, is another low point (especially the bit where the civilians mimic a tennis audience, heads going left to right). Vijay's death and subsequent discovery by Bond, does give Moore another scene to shine, which likely wouldn't have been possible if Vijay wasn't played so winningly.

Octopussy's release was at a crucial time in the series, as in 1983 it was not the only Bond film to be released. Finally, Kevin McClory managed to make his dream a reality, producing Never Say Never Again, and as the title implies, he managed to wrangle Connery back into the fold. Octopussy had to prove that it was true original (the theme song "All Time High" also feels like a dig at McClory), and thankfully it managed to beat out its competitor at the box office. Having frightened away the youthful pretender (relatively speaking, Connery was 52 at the time of Never Say Never Again, still a whole 3 years younger than Moore), you'd think it would still be time for Moore to hand in the Walther PPK. But no, the series had its sights set on one more mission for him, and despite all its faults, it has a villain ranking with the best.