You Only Live Twice

With You Only Live Twice (henceforth "YOLT" as opposed to "YOLO") the world had reached peak Bond mania (with Connery hounded by throngs of fans during filming in Japan) and also peak camp. This is the film in the series that gifts us with the full reveal of the original Dr Evil - the head of SPECTRE, bald, scarred, and cat stroking Ernst Stavro Blofeld, a volcano lair, tricked out attack helicopter ( named Little Nellie), a ninja training academy, and another denouement involving Bond and Bond girl #34582 ensconced in some sort of life raft, declining to be rescued.

Whilst this film certainly feels like one of the more archetypal Bond films, the original book couldn't be further from what made it to screen. In the novel, Bond is recovering after a personal tragedy (that will serve as the end of the next film in the series), and is sent to Japan to assassinate the absurdly named Dr Shatterhand. Shatterhand is running a "Garden of Death" in an ancient Japanese castle, enticing shamed Japanese citizens to visit and commit suicide. This is bringing disgrace to the Japanese government, and they will give up secret information to the British in exchange for assisting with the death of Shatterhand. Bond, in the depths of alcoholic fuelled depression, is sent on this impossible mission by M in the hope it will bring back the old Bond. What follows is an odd tale of Bond disguising himself as a Japanese male (more on this problematic plot later), infiltrating the castle, and discovering that Shatterhand is actually Blofeld, making the mission a lot more personal.

It is an odd novel, and putting aside the bizarre plot outline, and outlandish flourishes (Bond engages Blofeld in a duel, whilst Bond is wearing samurai armour), it isn't particularly Bondian in scope. To that end, and clearing riding high on the ever increasing scope of the last two films, YOLT dreams bigger than the novel, roping in Fleming's close friend, Roald Dahl of all people to pretty much throw out the entirety of the plot of the film for something more akin to a pulp sci-fi adventure (Dahl, a close friend of Fleming described the book of YOLT as his "worst book, with no plot in it which would even make a movie."

So gone is the suicide castle, and in is SPECTRE at full force (although obviously not named as such, noting the Thunderball dispute was rumbling on), with Blofeld orchestrating outer space heists of USA and Soviet Union rockets, in the hope that each side will blame the other for the theft and be pushed into nuclear war. Although not made particularly clear through the film, SPECTRE appear to have been hired by a third party to do this, rumoured to be the People's Republic of China to do this.

As is now tradition, there is a fairly unrelated pre-credit sequence where Bond is seemingly gunned down, post-coitus, by enemy agents (who quip that he died doing what he enjoyed the most), only for it to be revealed to be an implausible cover up to allow the world to think Bond is dead. Nothing is said of the fact that this is the secret agent who can't go 5 minutes without introducing himself, and that the majority of action takes place in Japan, so the 6 foot plus Connery tends to stand out. However, this ploy somehow deceives even SPECTRE, who take an eternity to realise that yes, the be-suited, English, suave secret agent agitating their grand plans is indeed Bond. Still the theme song, You Only Live Twice, sung by Nancy Sinatra is a classic as the best of the series are by intermingling an epic sound with underlying sinister strings.

One would think that I'm clearly being nitpicky about leaps in logic in a film where a bald fella plots global annihilation from a volcano lair, but it speaks volumes for the film's inbuilt absurdity that most of the madness simply rolls over you, like a breezy cartoon. You've got a car chase ending by the Japanese secret service simply using a crane magnet attached to a helicopter to lift a car stuffed with goons, and dropping them in the ocean. On top of that, Blofeld has a pool of piranha perfect for disposing of less than competent henchmen, as well as a lair self-destruct button. It may be controversial, but really, if Dahl had full creative control on the absurdity of this plot, then credit has to be given to him for the idea of the classic Bond film, as well as Fleming.

Much as the previous entries, the film also serves as a travelogue. The idea of a film as a travel guide was a big part of the early Bond film's appeal, with the advent of affordable inter-continental flights just starting to take off (pun unintended) around the advent of the series. So here we have Bond checking off various Japanese tropes including sumo wrestling, ninja training school, indulging in copious sake drinking. What this also manages to bring to the table is some of the most blatant racist and sexist moments in the entire series. Bond's contact in Japan, Tanaka, makes a point of insisting that "men come first in Japan" (which I am only thankful for as it allowed Austin Powers to go a step further with a filthy bit of innuendo I will not repeat here), whilst presenting women to Bond like items on a menu.

And the height of this absurdity intermingled with offensiveness is Bond turning Japanese. One element that carried forward from the book was for Bond to go undercover as a Japanese man. This means we get to see Connery, splayed out on a surgeon's table, surrounded by scantily clad Japanese women, applying "Japanese" make up and prosthetic, including adjusting his hair (funnily enough, Connery at this point had had to wear a toupee from around the age of 25) as well as clay putty to his eyelids, and speaking of tanning his skin... It is toe-curlingly embarrassing and hard to believe that it wouldn't have mustered even an titter at the time.

One element of the film that somehow still holds up, despite innumerable parodies, most famously Dr Evil in Austin Powers, is the final reveal of Blofeld. Donald Pleasence plays him with of-kilter menace, milking every line he is given in his brief screen time. There is a reason why his look has become so iconic. Blofeld leans heavily into the traditional Bond villain mould of not providing a physical threat for Bond, but an intellectual one, and whilst Blofeld may certainly look comic to a modern viewer, there is something about the line delivery that gives him a ghoulish aura.

The Bond girls of the plot on the other hand, do not fare well. Bond is first introduced to Tanaka's right hand woman, Aki, who at first glance seems fairly independent and capable of running rings around Bond. However, like all women in the series, she is somehow magnetised to him until he is the only thing in the world that matters to her. As such, she is left with little to do other than look at him longingly. Bond is also briefly kidnapped by SPECTRE agent Helga Brandt, who manages to have him subdued , tied to a chair, before succumbing to a common strain of insanity called "writer's folly"  pretends to defect to his side, before then leaving him to die in a crashing plane, rather than just bloody shooting him. It is no wonder that Blofeld considers her right for the piranhas after botching a kill job so badly. In the third act of the film, Aki is implausibly killed, only for Bond to spend all of 5 minutes mourning her, before moving on to Kissy Suzuki, his Japanese wife to be as part of the racist cover story above. Importantly, Bond baulks at the idea of marrying Kissy prior to seeing her as Tanaka, that old clown, jokes that she has the "face of a cow" prior to Bond meeting her...

Connery himself still looks and acts the part of Bond, and a few of the one on one duels his has with the heavies in the film are well choreographed and punch. However, there is a certain air of boredom seeping in now. Connery's displeasure at the role was becoming infamous in the press at the time of filming, which wasn't helped by the fact that he was completely mobbed by Japanese fans during shooting of the film, without any support from the production team. His animosity towards the producers was reached rock bottom, and during production, Connery announced that this would be his last film in the series...for now.

YOLT manages to be an early pinnacle in wonderful escapist absurdism in the Bond series, however it is tainted by ever mounting problematic plot points, and ever widening leaps of logic. The next film would not only involve a change of face for Bond, but also a sombre grounding in reality.